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From Story books to Facebook memes: Why you always have a relationship failure


Pure love cannot be given; it can only be shared by two beings of equal pure intensity. Pure love doesn’t expect anything nor does it demand something. It’s natural, gracious and freezing. It took me three days to write this piece.

If you pay vivid attention to this article, you could save your current or future relationship and that would save you from having a relationship failure just as; Nadia Buari and Michael Essien, Okyeame Kwame and Nana Ama McBrown, Yvonne Nelson and Iyanya, Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa, Nicki Minaj and Safaree Samuels, etc.

‘Love’, everybody has their own definition for it right? Some people love their cats, their dogs, cars, their shoes, some people love their husbands, some people love sex – one thing for sure is that everybody love to be loved but not many people are good at it but the question still remains – what the hell is it? The truth is that we have forgotten what real love is. Our ideas about love are mostly from story books, romantic movies, popular songs and Facebook memes and they all show fuzzy type of love and as you are aware in your own life, this ideas on based are flawed. They are based on ownership and selfishness.

“You are my bae, my sweet heart. I love you but only if you are with me”, that’s a possessive type of love right? That’s a love of which strings attached; impure type of love. Ask yourself this question, “who do you hate – it’s probably somebody you use to love right? See large percentage of murders are actually done by crimes of passion; couples who once hold hands now hold guns to each other’s heads, jealousy and obsession. Couples who once share tender kisses now share hatred for each other, how can that be?

How can love ever turn to hate in a single instinct? Was that love? My Answer is NO! It wasn’t love. It was compulsive attachment. Scientists have actually observed that, the exact same part of your brain that activates when you are in love, is the exact same that activates when you are high on marijuana or cocaine.so the psycho of pain and pleasure that a lot of us go through in a relationship makes us feel alive but so does alcohol or marijuana right? That’s not love. That’s attachment, that’s addiction and that’s clear. So what’s love?

Well, I believe that everybody, especially when you are in a personal relationship with somebody, you should strive towards the highest form of love. It’s about time we grow up. The idea of one man or one woman will satisfy all of your needs are selfish and unfair. Thinking somebody can fix you or you fixing somebody is so wrong.

Moreover, love is an inside job.

In order to love others, we have to first love ourselves. We had to mature in a way that we can take care of our own emotional needs and also help ourselves. That way, we can accept the flaws in our partners because we’ve already accepted the flaws in ourselves. You won’t get caught up in fixing things anymore because fixing implies that something is wrong. If you want to fix your partner, then you don’t love them for who they are; you love them for who you think they can be and that’s wrong. That’s totally selfish. You have to accept happily where you are in your life and know that you can improve in the future. Once you do that you can get a partner with the same respect. There’s no more anger or control in this type of love; there’s kindness, tenderness, there’s acceptance and vulnerability. It’s no more falling in love but you allow yourself to be open enough to let love fall into you.

So, in that sense you become an instrument of love and you no longer care if you get it back or not and that’s just who I am ..I just love and I am an instrument of love.

In the nutshell, I don’t know if soul mates exist or not, but I do know just by the very nature of that word, that phrase “soul mate”. You have to be a soul in order to realize this and when you are reflecting your true soul, you no longer reflect in anger, pain, your past failures or your ego.

That’s what love is about because, the souls only expression is pure love and I think when two people or souls come to this understanding, that will be beautiful and that’s something we should all strive towards.

So A word to the wise…if you don’t know how to love, you would destroy it because it’s like a master carpenter; if you don’t know how to use the tools properly, you would cut your hands.


Edior’s Note: This piece was written by Qillagh for Ytainment.com

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